Thursday, September 27, 2012

BIg Foot Found in Ann Coulter's Mouth

I found this story on the internets so I sware dat it is true. It is about BIg Foot getting found. I always new dat sum day sum one wood find Big Foot. He hides better den a messican in da dessert. maybe Big Foot is messican, but I dink he is legal cuz he has been here a long time. I member my granpappy bouncing me on his lap and tellin me bout the story of the Big Foot. grandpappy went to jail fer bouncin da yung ins on his lap but he didnt now it was agin the law.

Anyway, dey say dat Big Foot wuz found inside the mouth of sum womin folk named Ann cOulter. I aint two sure of who she is but I dink she wirks with a guy named Fox were she makes fun of are Muslim, cummnist prezident Barrock Osama.

Here is da true story.


 Here is da pic of Big Foot walkin in da yard of Ann Coulter

Elmer Taitz, the preferred dentist for the tea bagging elite, recently found Big Foot hiding deep inside the mouth of one his patients during a dental procedure he was performing in his dental offices located in a storage facility on the Fox News studio property.

Taitz said he immediately recognized a big ball of smelly fur deep inside Coulter's mouth. "I thought it was just a bad case of halitosis until I saw these big eyes staring back at me. Then I realized it was the sasquatch. I knew it was him because I watch every episode of Hillbilly Bigfoot Hunting on the Fox owned Hillbilly Hunting Network."

Coulter was not aware of the incident because she was under the influence of some of Elmer's special "knock out juice" which he uses on his patients and tried to use on his first dates before he was indicted.

When asked how a Big Foot could live inside a person's mouth Taitz replied: "I did x-rays on her. It ain't just her mouth that is empty, her entire head is empty. There is a lot of room for a Big Foot to live there. Now I understand why no one has ever found him."

What Does Xicano Mean?


  I done run across a word on the internets. Sum guy calls himself Xicano. Wut does dat mean? How do you say it. Ex-ee-a-no. Exano? I am cofuzed and I hate being confuzed.

I know wat ex means. I got six of dem. I dont pay chilren supports becuz they all tells me "hey, Pete dey aint yer kids. Ya gotta have sex wid us befour dey can be yer kids. We only married ya to have access to Uncle Bobby Bob's meth lab out in the shed where Grandma LaDonna sleeps.

SO this guy is someone's ex? Why brag bout it? My momma got 13 ex huzbands and sh egots 11 kids frum dem but she aint bragging bout it unless it is at da food stamp office so she can git mour food stamps.

 But back to my point. point rimes wid joint and now I got the munchies. wat wuz I talking bout? Oh, hey, the Xicano guy. Why braG bout your ex? Why name yerself after yer ex? It is juss so stoopid. needliss to say da guy looked like he wuz a messican so i guess he wuz juss making a new identeetee so he cood pretend dat he aint messican. So he named himsef after hsi ex wife.

 Sum dings I juss dont understand.

Friday, January 20, 2012

Mitt Romney is a Messican

Mitteo  Romneyez

Yep, it is the trooth. Mitt Romney furmer gubner of Massyshusetts has admitted that he is a Messican. before I go any more I got to say I am sorry fer not posting in a while but the judge said that I had to stay away from the internet and small farm animals fer the last few months. SO back to the story about Mitt the messican. Yep, Mitt is a beaner. His daddy wuz an anker baby. His grandpappy wuz a messican. His ansisters went to messico becuz they wanted to get murried to a bunch of womin at one time. What the hell? I cant stand getting murried to one womin at a time. What an idiot.

Mitts ansisters Brigham Romney went to messico one step ahead of the law. We in this family know how that is and we do not hold that against Romney. The gubmint makes us break the law when they try to control want we can and cant dew. Why cant we cook meth in the shed. It is my shed so what is the problem?

It seems that sometime during during the Pancho Villa war, you know the war that decided that the tortilla would replace bread in messico, that is when the romneys decided to hop the boarder and cum here to live a better life. Where have we herd that one before? Every messican sez he wants to cum here fer a better life.

so how can we trust romney to be prezident when he is a beaner? we all know that they are all law breaking illeagles. we need honest paytriots as prezident, the highest orifice in the land. We need a paytriot like Nute Gingrich. Gingrich means gringo in messican, so it means that he is one of us. He will bring Americuh back to where it once wuz. I think the beaners moved it a little to the south, so gingrich can move us back to where we once were.

I will never vote fer a messican fer prezident, that is if I still had my right to vote.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Gubner Brewer has done wroted a book: A short excerpt

My sexy hero Jan Brewer has done writtened a book. I dont know wats its called other than dat book writtend by Jan Brewer heroe to all Americuns fer fighting against the illeagle messicans.

I found an excerpt of her book on da internets so it gots to be true if it is on da internets.

Jan brewer is brave to had signed the SB 1070 bill that make it a crime fer brown paper not to carry papers when da wuz out in the streets. It aint rachel profiling cuz who gives a damn about rachels meadows cept dose damn commnists who waTch dat damn commie MSNBC. SO stop crying about rachel profiling. It aint dat.

SO here is the excerpt which is like  a shorted exsample of something.

A Possible Excerpt From Jan Brewer's New Book "Profiles in Lunacy"

It was the bestest of times. It was the worstest times too. I done not know what to do. I known-ded that I had got to sign the bill, SB 1070, but I was concerned-ded that the pro-illeagles would boycotted-ded Arizona. But I had got to have got to be brave and sign the bill to stop all the brown people that are have been a pest in Arizona and force them to show there papers to the cops.

Wee could build new prisons to hold all the illeagles that will get catched by our brave Sheriff Joe in his campaign against the criminals who are chopping heads off in the desert. It is not good to chop a head off a living alive person. It is hard to live life without no head. Just look at me. It was a struggle to go by life without a head. I bearly made-ded it through high school to get a diploma. Now we gotten Messicans chopping heads off in the desert. We gots enuff brainless people in Arizona, we sure do don't need headless ones as well.

The tv cameras were all on me. The bright lights were shining down at I, me. I knew that as I put my crayon to the bill for my signature that all the country would be looking at my wrinkle-ded face and look up to me for inspiration in our common fight against the evil invaders from Messico. I felt-ded so good when I putted my signature on the bill. I could hear trumpets blowing, but then I remembered-ded that I ate cabbage for lunch.

The bill was now law. we could can now arrest all the brown sub-humans and sort them out and send most of them, legal or illeagle back to where they belong. I was aware of the signickficance of the moment and that one day I will be president of all america becuz of what I was didding right now. This was the first nail in the coffins of all the filthy illeagles.

Pretty soon me and Sheriff joe and I, we, us, will have, had, will got our own reality show that they want to call "Fat Ass and Wrinkly Face." Does this dress really make my ass look fat?

Shurf Joe will buy da book even dough he dont know how to read. 

Friday, August 19, 2011

My Hero Rick Perry has cold globals

Rick Perry Licking the tip of a wiener


My hero rick perry, da gubner of Texas, is telling folks dat global warming is a hoax. It sure is a hoax. I froze my darn globals off last winter when the heat company shut off the heat cuz I did not pay the bill. Illeagles git to pay der heat bill with food stamps and here a good old boy cant even go four months of not paying his bill without a termination notice?

damn illeagels.

anyway, my globals were frozen every night. dey waz so frozen dat when i had sex with lulu, one of the small animals on my land, i ejackulated ice cubes.

I love rick perry fer telling it like it really iz to us real paytriots. all doze commie lovin democrats only panda to the ileagles. stop panda-ing to the criminals. Panda to the Americuns.

I cant finish dis post. I hear knockin on my trailer door. I think it is the probation officer. I failed the pee test. I drank it thinking it wuz lemonade. Gotta go quickly out the back door...bye

Monday, July 18, 2011

Russhole Pearce's Grandson's Sciunce Projeck

Will There Be Minorities in Heaven?

I found dis pickture on da internets so its gots to be true. It is a science projeck about will there be monorities in heaven? Whatta stoopid question. Hell is livin with minorities. We all know dat god punished cain for killing his bruter able, or did he punish able for killing cain? I gets mixed up in the byeble becuz der is so many stories in it.

god punsihed the killing bruther by putting a mark on em and dat is how we gots negroes and othur dark peeples like da messicans. if its on the internets or in the byeble it gots to be true.

dis kid is said to be the grandson of our great Russhole Pearce. The board shows a pickture of joseph smith on it. joseph smith discovered the mormon church in a field in new york. up till them they were hiding in a field of corn but joseph smith found dem and brought dem out and maid himself king of der church. dey is known as the moremans. I joined der church cuz i always want more, man. more beer,more meth. more sheep, i just wants more

so can dark peeple go to heaven>? why waist time on the kwestion? we alls knows dat god is white. just look at his picktures in church. if de peeple in heaven are his children den dey gots to be white too. god aint a negro or a messican. he is white. dat is why he blesses us white folks with branes and intellygents. we are more intellygent den any dark folk. we invented evrything in the whirld. god even blessed us with shurf joe to proteck us agin the messicans.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Jan Brewer Signs Bill Making Lunacy the Official State of Mind

I just red dis on da internets so it muss be true. It sez dat our lovely gubner ( i wanna have sex with her wrinkles) just signed HB 666 or the Sandbilly legacy Act which makes lunacy the offishow Arizona state of mind. It is a grate day for patriots all over our grate state.

here is wat I read.

Bill Aimed at Appeasing her Sandbilly Base of Power

Russell Pearce's ancestors, Jethro and LaFranklin Sue Bob
Pearce honored for helping to spread the lunacy genes. 

Yesterday afternoon at the double-wide of one of her fervent supporters, Jan Brewer signed HB 666 into law. HB 666 makes lunacy the official Arizona state of mind.
This was an obvious attempt to solidify her popularity with the wing-nut sandbillies who still demand a government investigation into the alien abduction of Elvis.

We need to honor our legacy and heritage. Ever since we came here during the Dust Bowl and continually inter-married we have been a strong and loud voice In Arizona politics. I only wish (Evan) Meacham were here today to see his folks honored in this way. Meacham was not afraid to call a colored kid a 'pickaninny'just like I am not afraid to call all the Messicans drug dealers and decapitators."

Estimates of over 15 people gathered in the dust-filled yard of the double wide to offer their support to their beloved governor. Arivaca native Crawford J. said "It is a good day fer us common folk who represent what Arizona is all about. My wife and sister over there feels the same way."

When a confused reporter told him that there was only one woman over there, Crawford gave him a confused look. "She is my wife and my sister. Damn Messicans took her job away. She was working as a trustee in the shurf joe jail but she got released due to overcrowding cuz all the messicans are in the jail."

Russell Pearce was in the audience and gave a short speech afterward.

We owe all our recent success to you guys. if not for lunacy, Arizona would be lost without a compass. Heck, we know so well where we stand that we must have our heads up our compass."

I love Messicans so much I'm gonna eat this family for lunch.