I aint one to kiss and tell cuz no womin in her rite mind would kiss a man who bathes only during a leap year, but I once had phone sex with sum womin who claimed she was Shawna Ford. Or maybe she was just Shawna who drove a broken down ford. I cant remember so good anymore after I got kicked in the head by our guard mule. We gots a guard mule becuz done ate the guard dog back in 2007 when the food stamps application wuz turned down due to all the illeagles stealing our food stamps.
Anyway, where was I? Oh, ok, thanks Uncle Cletus. Uncle Cletus is here in the tombstone library looking over my shoulder. he cant use the computers anymore just becuz he wuz lookin at sum site with little kids. damn commies who want to control wat we good patriots can watch on the innernet.
so what are we talking about. oh, yeah, shawna ford and me had phone sex once. I got her number frum the bath room wall in the mens room at the Circle K. It said fer a good time call shawna. I aint got no watch and i needed the good time because i got to be home by ten oclcok or i could violate my parole. but when i called her to git the good time she didnt even know what time it was. she started asking me fer my credit card number but i aint got no credit and the only card i got is the card with my parole officer's number. i also got alibrary card but it aint got my name on it. I found it in the lost and found. i finds all kinds of stuff there. it is a cool place to shop.
so shawna starts talking dirty to me anyway. she said she wants to blow me but i aint no birthday candle or a little piggies house to be blowed down. she then said she wanted to lick me but i aint been clean fer three years and i told her so. then she got really excited when i told her that i had no bath fer three years. she wanted my address but the last time i let a stranger into my trailer dey stole all of my elvis paintings off my wall.
shawna gits all excited when i tells her dat i am a freedumb fighting minute man. I cant barely make out wat she is saying anymore and den da phone goes dead.
da next day i reads in the tombstone paper dat i stole off my neighbor's driveway dat sum woman was rushed into the emergency room becuz she had a cell phone stuck up her butt. da doctors axed her why she had a cell phone up her butt and she said that she was having phone sex and didnt know wat to do wit da receiver.
dumbass woman cant tell a cricket frum a gerbil i guess.
