I had phone sex with Shawna Ford

I aint one to kiss and tell cuz no womin in her rite mind would kiss a man who bathes only during a leap year, but I once had phone sex with sum womin who claimed she was Shawna Ford. Or maybe she was just Shawna who drove a broken down ford. I cant remember so good anymore after I got kicked in the head by our guard mule. We gots a guard mule becuz done ate the guard dog back in 2007 when the food stamps application wuz turned down due to all the illeagles stealing our food stamps.

Anyway, where was I? Oh, ok, thanks Uncle Cletus. Uncle Cletus is here in the tombstone library looking over my shoulder. he cant use the computers anymore just becuz he wuz lookin at sum site with little kids. damn commies who want to control wat we good patriots can watch on the innernet.

so what are we talking about. oh, yeah, shawna ford and me had phone sex once. I got her number frum the bath room wall in the mens room at the Circle K. It said fer a good time call shawna. I aint got no watch and i needed the good time because i got to be home by ten oclcok or i could violate my parole. but when i called her to git the good time she didnt even know what time it was. she started asking me fer my credit card number but i aint got no credit and the only card i got is the card with my parole officer's number. i also got alibrary card but it aint got my name on it. I found it in the lost and found. i finds all kinds of stuff there. it is a cool place to shop.

so shawna starts talking dirty to me anyway. she said she wants to blow me but i aint no birthday candle or a little piggies house to be blowed down. she then said she wanted to lick me but i aint been clean fer three years and i told her so. then she got really excited when i told her that i had no bath fer three years. she wanted my address but the last time i let a stranger into my trailer dey stole all of my elvis paintings off my wall.

shawna gits all excited when i tells her dat i am a freedumb fighting minute man. I cant barely make out wat she is saying anymore and den da phone goes dead.

da next day i reads in the tombstone paper dat i stole off my neighbor's driveway dat sum woman was rushed into the emergency room becuz she had a cell phone stuck up her butt. da doctors axed her why she had a cell phone up her butt and she said that she was having phone sex and didnt know wat to do wit da receiver.

dumbass woman cant tell a cricket frum a gerbil i guess.

Trained Armed Posse Hunt Fer Illeagles Fer Shurf Joe

Shurf Joe a real Americun Hero!!

The newly formed Illegal Immigration Enforcement Posse helped sweep the illeagle messicans frum da streets of Phoenix. a group of armed volunteers that were trained to report illegal activity. 41 dirty criminal got arrested in the sweep. The best thing was dat the white guys got to push around and harass the messicans which is what the sweeps are all about.



We gotta catch all the illeagle burger flippers. first they flip burgers illeagle, then de will flip the bird illeagle. i dont want no illeagle flipping the bird at me.

Shurf joe is a brave man to keep us safe frum illeagle car washers and illeagle burger flippers. if you want to flip a burger do it the leagle way. do not cum across our boarders to flip burgers illeagle.

shurf joe fer president in 2012

Hero Cop Beats the System in Shenandoah

Its not only the messicans illeagles who our beating da system. Yesterday the great Americun hero jason Hayes beat the system when he wuz found not guilty by a jury of the pears in Pennsylvania. Whoze Jason hayes you say? I guess you just aint up to all the real stories about the illeagles.

Jason Hayes gots dis girl friend who werks for a bar in sum town called Shenandoah. I think dat da town is named after the jimmy Stewart movie. Anyways dis girl friend got sumpunk kid fer a son. He is like u and me. He spends hsi weekends getting drunk until he is old enuff to apply for disability cuz right now being a white man in Americuh is a disability.

So dis punk kid and sum of his buddies do a 6 on 1 beat down on sum messican illeagle who wuz walking by. Da punk kid and his buddies beat da messican to death. So the cop and his buddies let the kids go and den de tell dem to git der stories strate. Nuthing wrong wit dat. But back in the good old days a white man never had to wurry wen he kilt a colored man. Dat is why we want to bring Americuh back to da good old daze.

So the messicans all over the country git wirked up becuz of the killing and deys cums to Shenandoah to protest and everything. But the kids git found not guilty by the jury of the pears and things are good again in Shenandoah. But the feds git involved and double jepperdy de kids and find dem guilty of violating the rights of the dead messican. How can a dead illeagle messican have any rights?

But no the gubmint aint happy with only double jepperdy the kids. Dey go after the cops and git dem fer obstrucking justice.

Wat the heck is obstrucking?


dey is fake charges. but two of de cops git found guilty but jason hayes gits found not guilty. His wife is happy and jumps up and down so much that her beer belly pierced ring falls out of her belly. at least i wuz told dat it did.

justice at last. if a cop cant tell a lie to protect hiz girl friends loser punk son den when can he lie?

If a cop cant lie about sum messican who dont even belong in the country den when can he tell a lie? I am glad dat sum good old boy jury cum to its senses and finds dis hero not guilty.

jason hayes-he got the wird police written on his cap so he can member how to spell it when he writes a report. my sources say dat Jason wuz the jelly doughnut eating champeen from Shuykill COunty fer de last 6 years.

MInute Man Pete Banned From Utah Newspaper

brigham young looks like my uncle Esophagus

I done commented on a story in da on the line version of sum Utah newspaper called the salt lick tribune. salt lick is a big city up in utah where men can marry a bunch of womens and small farm animals. it is heaven on earth. anyway. i commented on sum story bout the dream ackt and the paper deleted my account that i had to make to comment on der silly paper.

I tell it like it iz and doz liburols dont like to hear the common man tell it like it is. they are all eleet media peeple who dont know wat it iz like to be a commonman like me and saruh palin.

ANyway here is wat i wrote in the salt lick tribune

*****************************************

when my ancesters came to Americuh from England 200 years ago they did not applie fer food stamps and they had to lern english when they got here. I am sure they had to wait in a line becuz who would let anyone just rush onto a ship?

These students need to go back were they came frum. They need to do it the leagle way like my old kin folk did. Go back, wait in line, and get on a ship. Lern english like my great-great-great-great-great-not so great daddy did when he come frum England.

these illeagel students are trying to make good patriotik americuns have compassion fer them but i am not fooled. we cant let compassion blind our judgements. When I go to court here in tombstone the judge never lets compassion keep me out of jail. Say no to compassion. Americuh wuz bilt on no compassion.

Saruh Paylin in 2012.

Lookin' fer my dad

I wanna use this blog only to make my views on the illeagles known to the whole whirled. But i know wanna use it to find my long lost daddy who abandoned my mom Ladonna and her kids Peter, Rocky, and Scrotum way back in the 60s. My dad got out of jail in 64 and wuz never seen again. I wanna see em to let him know what great kids we are. Two of us actually learnt to read and write.

I remember one time we wuz riding in the pick up when my daddy run over a dog in the road becuz he said the dog was transmitting sending messages to teh Beatles to invade america. that is how the illeagels invaded. sum dog sent messsages to the messicans and told dem to cum and enter our boarders.

anyway here is the last picture we got of our daddy. if you see him tell him that i am now fame as the minute man pete from tombstone and that i got my own trailer.

Saruh Paylin Sez She coud Beat Ohbama fer the Presidencey

Our tea baggin hero Saruh Paylin sez she can beat the illeagle Africun we now gots fer president when she runs in 2012. Saruh is upbeat by the populairety of her youngin Bristoll in dat relaity tv show Dancin in the Stars. I call in about 100 times to vote for Bristoll. I never knew that votin wuz so eazy or I woud l have voted befour.


I had to sneak to my neighbors trailer to make the calls seeing that we aint had telifone service since AUnt Irma Mae  ran up the bill trying to run a telephone sex biziness frum our trailer. Peeples woud call in collect and she woud accept. she didnt know better. she thought that collect meant that the telfone company woud collect the fee fer her.

Auntie Irma is in prizon rite now because she wuz running a bizness were she gave womens a wax and sum turtle wax got in sum womens privates and she ended up in the Tombstone Hospital and Oil Change right by the highway. you know were itz at.

Wat wuz we talkin bout? oh, yeah Saruh Paylin and her run fer the prezident. saruh can easily out run the africun we now gots in the white house. Saruh is a jogger. I seen her picture in her jogging outift. It is hanging in my outhouse. I look at it all day long . It inspires me. But the Africun prezident smokes and probly cant run even if the cops or the Klan were chasing him. Back in the old days the klan woud have chased him frum the white house. hello! It is the white house. not the black house.

Saruh is white and belongs in the white house. once she is in the white house she can look out her bedroom window and see all of washington and quickly become an expert on the federal gubmint.

All patriotik folks are fer sister saruh. she is honest. she is against the gubmint. she even quit her job in the gubmint to show us common folk that she is really against the gubmint. she is a winner and a quitter of gubmint. we all need to get to our telefones or the telfones of are neighbors when they are not home and vote. I think you can call the same number fer Dancing in the stars to also vote fer Saruh fer prezident. so git off yer fat butt and walk 2 feet and call in fer Saruh. call a lot of times cuz you know that the illeagels are voting for the africun becuz he promised to do that amkneestey fer them where they can be free to cum inside our boarders.

More newspaper commints frum minute men supporters

Marianna Avra [Moderator] 1 day ago

I'm also an emigrant. But I cam legal in this country, and I'm also paying my taxes. One think I dont understan ,how this ilegal emigrants can get a job, claim as many dependends as they want and get taxes money back. This is the stupidest think I've ever known. I did never thik, that a country like America can get as low as I'm seing it know. And I do believe that here may be a solution to stop this ilegal emigrants to coming and coming and never stop it. If is a rule and is low shoud work for everybody.
---------------------------------------------------------------------

I could not say it any better myself. except dat I am no damn emigrant. I was born in Americuh rite here in this trailer back before they had colored tv. heck we had to go in the back yard to take a shit. We still do it for tradition even dough we got a toliet that flushes most of the time in our living room.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------